My ‘Brokeback Mountain’

I don't like movies about American west. The reality of that utterly foreign world have always been frightening, sometimes making me laugh. And that is how I first reacted on 'Brokeback Mountain'. Sometime in the middle of the show I thought to myself that that, once I go to our Polish 'deep south', and take a sit in a pub, I will pay an attention to those entering guys – who knows, maybe they are 'cowboys' themselves. But as the show became increasingly interesting, more reflective thoughts came upon me.

I was born in the year in which the plot of the movie starts. I entered the gay community at the time when the plotline ends. ‘I entered the gay community – sounds nice, doesn't it. Well, to be exact, I entered the queer – or the fag – community, since those were the terms in common use. At the exactly same moment the word 'gay', shyly began to enter our language.

The world around us has changed so drastically since the middle of 1980's, and keeps on changing at a faster and faster pace. But not everyone goes alongside those changes. Plenty of people my age until this very day live like the characters of 'Brokeback Mountain'. They have wives, and children, but once in a while, once a several days or several weeks, they meet their (sex) partners. It seems as if they went on a fishing trip or on a kind of training. Just like Ennis they cannot imagine that one can live with another guy, build a house in Wyoming, ups, I am sorry, in Mazovia. And they get very upset by the whole gay pride talk, because why would one want to talk about it, why should one come out!

I have always been more like Jack. Actually I have been and I am one generation more 'radical' than he is. I have dreamed more bravely, my imagination exceeded further horizons than his. I have been demanding more from the world, from life, from the people more than he does. And I do demand more! It is true that I do not live at the bottom of some lovely mountains like Brokeback, but I spent most of my life in a small city below 40k.

At the time when I entered the gay community (let's just stick to this expression), the most popular places where you could meet a guy, or rather hook up with one, were the public toilets in the biggest Polish cities; sometimes also the nearby parks. I could never accept it. ‘Were there no ads?’ one can ask. No, there were not. Neither in press, because the Polish United Workers’ Party thought of homosexuals, what Vatican thinks of us today; nor on the internet, since no one even dreamed of it.

Today everything leads to a conclusion that, in several years, we are going to enjoy the civil partnership rights in Poland. Am I too much of an optimist? Perhaps I am. I have always been one, but many see me as an egoistic and narrow-minded person. Egoistic because I have never bothered with ‘what will people say’ and no one could convince me to act in order to make my mommy / pappy / priest happy. Narrow – minded, because I believe that for a gay, gay – issues should be of the biggest concern. And if you believe that the gay pride is for whores, that the struggle for emancipation of gays and lesbians is an offence to the nation and the church, well, you are simply an in-the-closet-faggot.

Ok, I may be slightly exaggerating, but I am not here to pay compliments to anyone. I think that there is nothing more creative than a strong debate, a clash of ideas. That antagonism is often a begging of something new, something better, and may change the world that we know.

I just want to believe that, in a couple of years, I will enjoy the pleasure of participating my friends’ weddings; that, accordingly to the title of another movie, it will be the life as colourful as the one from ‘Four weddings and a funeral’. I hope I will have the possibility of inviting my friends to my own wedding. Because what most important is to dream just like Jack. And not to push the dreams away, just like Ennis, because it may be too late… Make them come true here, now, in our Wyoming, in Poland.


zdjęcie Paweł Fijłkowski, tłum. Łukasz

Paweł Fijłkowski, tłum. Łukasz

autor zmigrowany z php-nuke – ID: 215; nazwa: Paweł FtłumŁukasz

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